Women's Wisdom: Defining Success On Your Own Terms

Subscriber-only episode

In this bonus episode, we hear from Iris Serbanescu, Lila Fox, and Amanda Riffee. We take a look at the ways that we define success, where those definitions come from, breaking down preconceived notions of success, and honoring our full self along the way. 

As Michele Obama stated, “There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.”  Our perception of success and whether we think we have reached it or not can be one of the things that hold us back from accomplishing all that we wish to in our lives.

Christine

Transcript

Christine: Welcome to Soul of Travel Beyond and to my first episode in the Women's Wisdom Series. I'm Christine Weinbrenner Irick, host of Soul of Travel Podcast and of Beyond. I'm so excited to bring you this content that brings together different perspectives from the women who have spoken to me over the years.

Christine: They are not only leaders and innovators, but wise and soulful women who share so much of their personal and professional journeys. As I reflect back over the years, I would see these common threads emerge. This series will bring them together in a way that I feel makes their wisdom even more powerful.

Christine: I have loved going back and reconnecting with my guests in this way, and I hope you love these conversations too. If you'd love to hear from my guests on certain topics as a part of your Beyond subscription, Please send an email to me at souloftravelpodcast at gmail. com. I'd love to hear from you. As subscription holders, you will have early access to our regular content and invitation to exclusive Soul of Travel Beyond Conversations.

Christine: And I cannot wait to share these experiences with you. Today, let's begin our journey by taking a look at the ways that we define success. Where those definitions come from, Break down preconceived notions of success and honor our full self along the way. As Michelle Obama shared, there is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.

Christine: I love this quote as we begin thinking about what success means to us, because I think that our perception of success, and whether we think we have reached it or not, is one of the things that holds us back from accomplishing all that we wish to accomplish in our lives. In my first conversation with Iris Serbanescu, Thank you.

Christine: Founder of women's work, we mentioned success 50 times. So I feel like this is the perfect conversation to go back to as we examine how to define success on your own terms. If you want to hear this full conversation, head back to episode 95. I am also realizing it has been quite some time since she and I chatted here on the podcast, so I think another conversation is due shortly.

Christine: I'll keep you in the loop on that. In this outtake, I asked Iris a question from Dr. Tererai Trent's book, The Awakened Woman, which we happened to read a few years ago in the Soulful Book Sojourn. She posed the question, what is your unquenchable hunger? And I'm paraphrasing a bit. But the question is, what is the thing you are setting out to do in this world?

Christine: The change you are trying to make? And how does women's work allow you to change this? Here is Iris reply.

goosebumps. I love this. Okay. Such a good question. In my career as a woman, I always internalized these Without knowing subconsciously always internalized these versions of success in my mind of what success looked like and what somebody who was successful looked like and the qualities that they had and all of that.

And I, it was a combination of people that were my mentors or bosses combination of like what I was seeing out there in the world and who I was interacting with and who I was seeing in positions of power and all this stuff. And what I came to realize is. And, and really become aware of is that these people that I was looking up to were really male archetype focused.

So, very, could be just like, how do I describe it? Like dominant, kind of very, very sure of themselves. Like there's no room for any sort of uncertainty or lack of confidence. Like there was no, it was like, you had to be sure of yourself. You had to show up a hundred percent. Knowing exactly what you were going to be doing, saying, talking about, it had to be perfect the way that you, it was almost like there was this unattainable version of what success looked like in my mind that was.

always going to leave me falling short because I didn't match those male archetype qualities. And, and I don't mean male necessarily in terms of gender, but maybe more like masculine qualities. And what I've been doing over the past few years is sort of like unlearning that definition of success so that I could create it for myself and create it for others as well.

Because when I show up fully as, as who I am and as a woman. Who is a leader and a founder and everything like that. I break the mold of what, what male leadership looks like and allow people around me to kind of breathe the sigh of relief. Maybe that like, yeah, like she's not perfect and she's still successful and she's still showing up and she's bringing her whole self to the table.

And I love the way that this is embodied through women's work, because Like, you know, we've been in all of our events and all of our workshops and like, we get pretty deep, like it doesn't just talk. We don't just talk about business. We actually, when we get together, we talk about, we talk about life and we talk about our insecurities and we talk about things that aren't normally found in a boardroom.

And. I think that that's the missing link in this world of entrepreneurship and life, especially for women, that we, we tend to hold ourselves back in order to present an image that's acceptable by the world as somebody who's successful or somebody who's has it all together and like doesn't leave room for talking about kids.

Or like, I think we even had on one of our calls, one of the women was breastfeeding and it was just like, Yes, like this is the kind of world I want to live in where we can bring ourselves to the table and just Realize that that's not mutually exclusive with being successful, that you can run your business the way you want to run it, the way your intuition is telling you to step into and not uphold this unattainable version of success that we all have internalized through years and years of conditioning.

That's really my mission. It's that it's bringing our whole selves to the table and making that the norm and normalizing everything. Everything to do with whatever it is outside of business to talk about, to be, to be heard and to just, yeah, to make that a normal part of how we run our businesses as women.

Christine: So as I mentioned, our conversation was full of us discovering and understanding how success has been defined for us, how it's been modeled, and the expectations we have. One of the things I love so much speaking with Iris was the way she began to unravel this and how she shares some of the process of not only having a list of things that make you feel like you've achieved success, but she talks about what it feels like, how these definitions we have might actually hold us back from being the most successful version of ourselves and allowing us to be our full self.

Christine: It was pretty magical, so I'm going to get you back over to Iris to hear more.

 I think it's such a journey. It's really. A journey of awareness of what our internalized versions of success are understanding, like, what do we view as strengths in leadership?

What do we view as weaknesses in leadership? Where do we see ourselves fitting into that? Where did those ideologies come from and how can we sort of, like, take stock of ourselves? And who we are and redefine that definition for ourselves. So like, to give you an example with my experience, it was funny.

I'm going to get a little like a hippie here, but we, I was on an entrepreneur retreat. And one of the, one of the things was a tarot card reading and we had a woman come in and read our tarot. And you had to ask a question. And my question was like, And this is like, this is pretty vulnerable actually, but I'm happy to share.

I had launched the first cohort of women's work and I was like, okay, I am successful. Like I'm making money with my venture and supporting other people. I'm creating the type of impact that I want to have. And so in all, for all intents and purposes, I'm successful. However, I feel this dissonance between this like, How do I describe it?

Just sort of like, I was like, is this it? Like, is this what success supposed to feel like? Like I sort of feel like I'm just not thinking, was this supposed to bring me happiness? Was I supposed to like achieve my way to happiness? Like what exactly am I looking for here? And like, how am I going to reach what I want in a way that feels good to me and feels sustainable?

So my question to her was like, Am I on the right path? Because I'm not really feeling fulfilled enough in what I'm doing. And I'm just not sure if this is, this is the right way to do it. And a card, the card that she pulled was the romance card. And it was about falling in love with your way of doing things and falling in love with your version of success and falling in love with their career for what it is, like, not for who you think you're supposed to be.

Like, I realized that I still had this version of me that was. I'm supposed to be up here. I'm supposed to have these qualities, but I actually don't think I do. And I'm already setting myself up for failure because I'm not self honoring what I truly want. And when I started like picking that apart and being like, well, what does that look like?

And what does that mean for me? And I came to realize, like, I want to show up fully as myself, as a mentor and as a, Leader in this capacity and not hold myself back because I don't think that I have all the qualities that a mentor or a leader should have. And I started sort of like writing this all down and looking at, okay, what's my picture of success?

And then where do, where do I think I fit in and how can I unlearn this picture of success so that I can fully step into who I am and like fully capitalize on the fact that yes, I love talking about energy and I'm kind of a hippie. And I don't think that that is a bad thing. And I can bring that into how I lead and how I manage.

But like prior to that, probably, you know, I kind of held back that part of myself because I was like, it's just not like people aren't going to take me seriously. Like, I don't think people are going to respect me. Like. We hold ourselves back when really like what people respect is somebody who fully steps into who they are and owns it because it allows everyone around them, as I said before, to like breathe a sigh of relief and be like, yes, like, so my, I like my, my answer to this question is kind of to sit with yourself and look at where you hold yourself back because you think you're and lean into those so much more and be surprised at what happens.

Christine: When I sat down with Lila Fox, founder of Lila Fox Travel, in episode 199, we talked a lot about how to get clear on what goals you are trying to achieve and where you want to go in your business, and then working backwards from there to understand what you need to do and to create an action plan.

Christine: Lila's engineering background really supports this way of thinking. Learn So it shouldn't be any surprise that when I asked her about how she defines success, she started from the end and works her way back from there. I'll let Lila share more about how this works in her business.

It's, it started from honestly, and this is going to be a very boring answer, but it's the truth. It started from realizing what I needed to make financially in my household. And it's something whenever I mentor other travel agency owners, I always ask, do you know what you need to make?

What's the goal? What's your revenue goal? What's your profit goal after expenses? It's really like the, it's the base of everything. And the very interesting thing is most women, I've only had one woman that I can remember tell me a number. Most people don't know. And if you don't know what you need to make in your household.

to be comfortable. And it's there. This isn't a right or wrong thing. It's truly what you need to make in your household, whether you're, uh, whether you live alone, whether you're a single parent, whether you're a dual income household, whatever it is, you know, what you need to make to pay your bills and have the things that you need.

And most of what you want, I always like not having everything I want. I like working for things. So I know that I know that number. And once you know that number, you can back into the revenue. And, and it, but if you don't know the number, it's incredibly hard to like, I always say to ring the bell at the end of the year, because you don't have a bell to ring.

You don't know what you're working toward. And that's why I think there's so much burnout. And there are just so many people trying to chase this carrot. They don't know what they're trying to chase. They're just chasing and they're, they're unhappy and they're burnout and they probably are making way most of the time people are making way more money than they need to in their household once you actually look at it.

So it's probably a long winded way to answer the question, but it truly was, Oh, wow, this is what I need to make in my household to be comfortable. That means this revenue in sales. And so for me, once I knew that I was, I made a lot of changes in like 2018, 2019, and that's whenever I really got clear on what I needed to make in my household.

Um, I was touching way more clients than I needed to. I was making more money than I needed to, and I was really, really burnt out. Um, and so I made, I made a bunch of changes. I looked at my client list. I was like, this is going to be, these are the people that I'm going to, I'm going to actively work with.

If these other people on this side of the list, reach out, we'll see what they reach out to me for. We'll see if it makes sense now that I've made some changes in my business. Um, but it really was kind of cherry picking and it wasn't the highest spenders that are the most joyful clients. That would be ideal, but it doesn't work out that way.

There are some that, yes, they are some of my highest spenders. I always know it's going to be a ton of time and they're going to be, you know, they're, they're quite needy during planning and during travel. So it wasn't a straight matrix of these are the most profitable. These are the most joyful. It really was like, you know, it was looking at each person, each client individually.

And that's, How I got to a whole lot more balance, um, in, in a ironic, weird way, my revenue now is actually higher, um, just from some of the business decisions that I've made, you know, can I afford another catastrophe like a COVID and with the, the business decisions and changes that I made, yeah, 2020 wasn't that bad because of the changes that I had made a few years.

leading up to that. So to circle back, it really is like figuring out what you need to make in your household and then working into that revenue or that sales from there. But if you don't know that it, you're going to run yourself ragged. Lila goes on to share a bit more about this balance and how important wellness, health, and wellbeing are in business success. I know we talk a lot about this in the context of burnout. But I don't think we give enough credit to the impact that a healthy mind and body have on our professional success.

Christine: As someone who's been struggling a lot over the last year or so, I can see how much this imbalance has impacted what I can create and what I can bring to the world.

to me, well being and health and balance and joy to, It just goes hand in hand with business success. To me, if you have a healthy body, if you have a healthy mind, if you're confident you're going to be better in business, you're going to be more successful in business.

I believe that fully, like no hesitation. And I don't see that being talked about. I see You know, the burnout and the complaining about work and, you know, the health problems that is talked about. And it's almost kind of like a badge. It's almost like rewarded. And I'm like, no, no, we're doing this wrong.

Let's look at this as a whole system. So I started, I started kind of weaving in what I always say a little bit of woo woo. But. Yeah. Like take time for yourself. Are you exercising? Are you sleeping? Are you eating properly? Are you spending time with your friends? When was the last time you had lunch with a friend or got on the phone with a friend?

And so it's kind of just a combination of all of that. I love business. I love our business, but I, I think to be successful and to be happy and to be confident, I think everything else in your world has to be for the most part, healthy. You know, like you're, you're going to, you're going to fall off. You're going to have bad days.

You're going to have, you know, bad weeks, but in general, are you sleeping? Are you eating properly? Are you exercising? Are you confident? Confidence is huge. Um, most of the women that I talked to lack confidence and they're beautiful and they're successful. I can tell them that other people can tell, they have to find out in themselves.

Christine: In my conversation with Amanda Riffey, which was episode 178, we went in a little bit of a different direction with success. Amanda is a certified executive coach that works with women and we talked more about our relationship with success than our specific definition of success. Here Amanda and I were talking about the situation that can happen as an entrepreneur When you are building your business and you start to build a community of other entrepreneurs and then that community begins to look more and more like you.

Christine: For example, if you are a wellness coach, you may start out connecting with other coaches and then find yourself eventually immersed in a community of other wellness coaches. There you might start to question your dream and your value because all of these other people are offering something similar to you.

Christine: Iris and I also talked about this, the idea that no one person will Ever bring the same business to life in the same way. I've also shared a similar scenario on the podcast that if me and three of the incredible women I've chatted with are all assigned with operating a trip for women in Guatemala, we will all create very different experiences.

Christine: And even if the experiences are similar. The energy we hold and what we have to offer is so different from one another, and each offer is for a very specific client or traveler. So in that way, they're all unique and different. So back to Amanda and I, she shares a bit about how she guides women to navigate through this, how understanding that uniqueness helps them find their own success.

Christine: And the sticky note she had on her computer that said, Your success 

Christine: is inevitable. 

Oh, that is such just an important topic. I'm going to venture, I guess, like, I'm sure even it still comes up for both of us to like, you know, it is something that I don't think that work is ever done. And I love the way that you explained it of like, once you have like, okay, now I know I need to surround myself with people who show me that this is possible.

You're right. Now your corner of the internet, your corner of the world is going to be filled with representation of that, which is fantastic, right? To normalize those big dreams and all of that, but it can sometimes work in reverse for us, depending on, you know, how we're feeling that day of like, you know, like this is just a saturated market.

There's a million people doing this thing. But again, you zoom out and you're like, it's still just our tiny corner of the internet, but that's what we're taking in all day long. And I think the most important thing to remember is exactly what you just said. No matter what, yes, there are so many coaches out there and there are so many coaches that are working with women, but nobody is me.

Nobody has my same story. Nobody has my same experience. Same with you. And especially like, if we're thinking about even like results in a business, we are in a relationship based economy. So people are buying. Because of you, like, yeah, there's a million different coaches that they could line up and be like, I don't know what, who, who do I want to work with?

They're going to want to work with the one whose story resonates with them. So I would say, just don't be afraid of sharing your own story. That is going to be a lot of times your superpower in. In your business, because that people are going to. Start coming to you like, I don't know what retreats you've got going on.

I don't know what you're selling right now, but like, I just really want to work with you. And that, that is what I think is going to be so unique when you are building a business or when you start to feel those feelings of like, this market's too saturated. And I truly believe that. And I had a coach tell me this and it stuck with me.

I had this posted on my computer for forever that said, your success is inevitable. If you just continue to keep going, if you don't give up and I'll be honest, like even the week that we're recording this podcast, like I had doubts this week of like, what, you know, like, am I making an impact? Am I doing the right thing?

Am I making the right, you know, we're like those ducks that like underneath the surface are just continuing to paddle and everything looks cool on the surface, but that's normal. That's normal for us to feel. And no matter what, those feelings are trying to tell us something. So sit with it, process it, like it's hard to sit in those feelings of discomfort, but it's there and it's going to be part of your story.

And if you just continue to keep going, anything is possible. If you don't give up, you just have to keep going. 

Christine: Looking back at my conversation with Amanda, I also talked a lot about my need to make women shinier. At that moment, I couldn't get away from the idea or the thought. It was like Elizabeth Gilbert's big magic. The idea wanted to attach to me. To be born into the universe. I feel like I often find myself saying, if only they could see that shiny version of themselves that I see, or if only they would be brave enough to have the capacity to shine brighter.

Christine: It's something I really want for the women I connect with and for myself. I even mentioned to Amanda that on a particular day that this idea was lurking and ever present. A whole crew of men walked into the restaurant I was at with my daughter and they all had shirts on that said shiny on the back. I was laughing inside saying, okay universe, I get it.

Christine: So be sure to go back and listen to Amanda and I talk a bit more about this and claiming those ideas. If you love Liz Gilbert as much as I do, you can find more conversations about Big Magic with Allison Boyle from She Dreams of Alpine, Agvila Maruzaiti Expedition Cruise Network, and Julana Dizon and Kathy Dragon.

Christine: See, I told you, I'm a little obsessed and in fact thinking that perhaps this is a great conversation for this Women's Wisdom series. I do really think that success can come from following these magic breadcrumbs. And in fact, Soul of Travel podcast came from one of these breadcrumb trails. During the early days of the pandemic, I had just launched Lotus Sojourns, my women's mindful adventure travel company, and the world shut down.

Christine: And I had a moment of panic and fear, much like many of us, and was questioning what I would do next. And the whisper in the wind or the message from the universe for me was to start a podcast. And I was really resistant to this idea. I. Didn't love the idea of talking, putting myself out there, being vulnerable, making myself shiny and present.

Christine: And then realized that earlier in the year, in January, I had really decided to trust the journey. That was my mantra, I guess, for the year of 2020. Little did I know. What that would even entail. And the other thing I kept hearing from the universe was to use your voice. And this was something I again, was really, really uncomfortable with.

Christine: And I had been at a conference in January of 2020. And again, Universe was speaking loud and clear to me, um, feeding me these breadcrumbs, if you will. And the message I had in the early waking hours was to ask the organizers of the conference if I could have a moment to speak. And I just wanted to say no, but it was, like, such a loud voice.

Christine: Asking me to do this. So I reached out to my friend who was helping to coordinate the content for the conference. And asked her if I could have a moment, which thankfully they so graciously gave me. And I got up in the beginning of the day and shared, and honestly, I can hardly remember what I shared. It was just, it was almost as if I was more of a portal for the words then.

Christine: in control of or in charge of the words. And it was terrifying. It was also very exciting. So this was the energy I was coming from with using my voice. And then as I received this guidance or message or breadcrumbs to start the podcast, um, I also heard The, the name Soul of Travel, which, um, clearly if you know me now, resonated.

Christine: And then even a list of these are the people that you should reach out to, uh, to begin this conversation. And at the time, what I wanted to do was really tell a better and different story about travel. So people could really understand the importance of travel in a time when people were talking about how well, The earth was healing in the absence of travel from an environmental standpoint, um, but certainly not from a social and economic standpoint.

Christine: And so I jumped in and that's really where the podcast came from. I sent out an email that said podcast or something like it in the subject line, sends it to all these people. Um, I think within an hour, I had eight guests booked and that became our original season, season one of the podcast. Um, back then you did hear me talking to men and women who I thought were creating Um, a real positive impact in the industry.

Christine: And I'm so grateful for those conversations, but also early on in episode one, in fact, talking with Gabby Stoll from the Adventure Travel Trade Association. Um, I really realized that I wanted to use this as a, an extension of my work to amplify the voices of women in industry and to help create equity and access and also to empower women and to have a space for them to truly shine.

Christine: Though at the moment I didn't know that was possible. What I was looking to do. So that is a little bit of, you know, the, the beginning of soul of travel. And I just, I share that in the context of success, because I think so many times we think we need to know where we're going. We need to have a really clear and structured path, um, in order to be successful.

Christine: And this is one of the things I think we need to start with when we're questioning what success looks like and feels like, and what we really, really, and truly want.

Christine: Before we go, I just want to share a few additional resources with you that you can use on your journey to redefine success or to begin to look at business differently. There's obviously so many incredible books out there. These are just a few that I think are a little bit unique that I want to make sure to mention to you today.

Christine: Regenerative Business by Samantha Garcia. The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, and I also love the Yoga of Business podcast by past guest Molly Busby. So I hope these help you along your journey of redefining success in your own life. Thank you so much for joining me for this first episode of the Women's Wisdom series and for joining me here in Beyond.

Christine: I'm so excited about this space and I can't wait to continue to build community and increase our impact and share even more women's wisdom and mindful travel with all of you. We'll see you again soon. Until then, enjoy your journey.